Mothering as an Introvert

I am an introvert through and through.  Though I may not have had the name for it early on, I always knew that I felt physically drained from being around people for long stretches of time.  Groups of people intimidate me.  Having to make small talk makes me want to hide in a corner.  And I need time away from everyone in order to feel like myself again.  For a long time I thought there was something wrong with me, so I just kept pushing myself to be more "normal". 

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I've Been a Work at Home Mom for 2 Months

It's been nearly two months since I left my corporate job to stay at home with my boys and run the magazine from the comfort of my bedroom.  I don't know if it's because I only went back to work for two weeks following my maternity leave, or if that's just how life goes when you stay at home, but it feels like I've been gone from the corporate world a lot longer.

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Harrison : 04 Months

I know you aren’t supposed to wish away time in your baby’s life because it all goes so quickly - but I think we can all agree that we’d be okay with forgetting this past month ever happened.  It was another rough one.  Really rough.  There were a lot of tears throughout the month and they weren’t all from you. 

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The Fear of Failure

When the word fear comes to mind, I tend to think "I'm not scared of much, really".  But then as I sit with the question and analyze it all a bit more, I realize that isn't true.  I'm fearful, terrified really, of one big thing that affects different parts of my life in many ways.  Failure.

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Harrison : 03 Months

Today you have been in our lives for three months but it feels like a lifetime.  I won't lie, this has been another really hard month BUT things seem to be slowly improving.  Or, at least we can hope.  We may have finally figured out your belly issues and you're slowly starting to sleep more and more.

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The Start of My Next Chapter

Today is the close of one chapter and the beginning of another. 

Ever since I was old enough, I have worked full-time.  Throughout college I worked while going to school, with a new job ready for me as soon as I graduated.  The longest absence I’ve taken from the working world was for the maternity leave I had with both of my sons.

Well, today I’m leaving behind the corporate world as I step into a new chapter of my life.

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The Middle of the Night

His cries pierce the deepest sleep I've had all night.  I look at the clock.

Damn, it's only been 45 minutes this time.  It's the fourth time I've been up with him since we went to bed a few hours ago.

My feet hit the floor with a thud.  I run into the door frame with my shoulder.  I stumble down the hall.  I'm in a fog, moving strictly on autopilot.

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Harrison : 02 Months

Oh what a month it has been.  Things have been rough this month.  Really rough.  You seem to hate sleeping and don't do it often which has lead to a very tired household for us all, and of course, a lot of frustration.  (And apparently your brother also went through this at the same age.)  It seems you're often two babies - the one who is very sweet and starting to coo and smile, and then the one who fights sleep at every turn and because of that gets overly tired and fussy. 

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Newborns Are Really Freaking Hard

I know it's been four years so I've probably blocked out a majority of the hard times with Henry, but I honestly don't remember it being this hard.  Harrison isn't a kid that likes to sleep, and until recently, he spent the majority of the day being cranky.  Now, thankfully, it's just the end of the night.  But still... HE DOESN'T SLEEP.  Did Henry sleep?  I swear he did.  

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Harrison : 01 Month

Four weeks ago you leisurely entered our lives.  You were screaming, red, and perfect.  And now, a month later, not much has changed.  I won't lie, it's been quite the month of adjustment for all of us.  In general, you're a very calm, contented baby.  But in the last week or two you've run into some digestive issues that has you a bit fussier than normal and has Daddy and I more exhausted than normal.  Plus, no one likes to see their baby in pain, especially when you can't tell us what hurts and we can't tell you how we'll fix it.

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Henry: 4 Years Old

Today you are four.  I can hardly believe that you have been in our lives for four whole years.  But at the same time, I can't remember life before you, and I don't want to.  You have been such a bright light in our life and I'm thankful every day that I get to be your Mama.

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To My First Born

You're going to be a big brother any day now and it's taken me a long time to realize just how much its affecting me that you'll no longer be the only baby in my life.  I have spent the last nine months preparing you for welcoming a new little person into our lives, but I haven't spent much time preparing myself.  

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36 weeks

36 weeks down.  4 (or less) to go.  I had Henry at 37 weeks, so I wouldn't be mad to introduce this teeny one into our family next week.  I'm miserably uncomfortable at this point.  With Henry I was on bed rest starting at 34 weeks and I'm now seeing how much better that was physically for my body.  I get exhausted walking around at work.  Hell, I get exhausted getting off the couch.

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10 Weeks to Go

At 30 weeks pregnant, I can barely remember the nausea of the first twenty weeks.  Maybe this is what people mean when they say you forget all of the hardships of pregnancy and it makes you more willing to do it again.  (Note to Grandmas: We're done after this one, don't get your hopes up.)  When I was pregnant with Henry, I was sick right up until the very end so I never got enjoy this honeymoon period.  But this baby is taking it a lot easier on me.  

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5 Things At the Moment

Life has felt overwhelming lately.  In both the best ways, and some really tough ways.  I sit down to write and nothing comes out.  I don't know where to start with all of these thoughts swirling around in my head.  Some of them I'm not able to say out loud yet, others just sound repetitive.  So instead I walk away.  I take a break.  And somehow I find myself back here three weeks later feeling the same.  So instead, here's a run-down of things in my head...

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Baking a Life

As he grows, I'm constantly questioning if we're doing the right things.  It's a typical parenting feeling, I'd assume, but I hope that we're teaching him well and loving him even better.  I want to pour into him the things that I've learned in my 34 years of life, but I want to give him the space to mix up his own thoughts and feelings and emotions.  He's a part of me, but separate from me.  He's his own individual and sometimes it takes me a second to remember that.  So I give him bits and pieces, I help to guide him, but I also step back and watch.

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A glimpse at life these days

It's early.  The sun is still hiding, but our house is awake and moving.  It's 6:57 am and we're ready to hit the road to head to work/daycare/work.  Henry is on my lap while I'm putting socks, pants, and then shoes on.  He's pushing against my growing belly and as I reach down to put the left sock on, I realize just how long his legs have gotten.  The drape down over my own.  They're long and skinny and sprouting the lightest blond hair.  He has to bend his knee for me to reach his foot.  Will I still be able to have him sit on my lap in a few months when my belly is an eight month belly?

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Capturing the Mundane

Seeing me with a camera in my hand is a pretty standard sight in our house.  I'm always capturing little moments of our days - some that seem pretty important (like when we announced Baby 2), others seem fairly boring (like many of the photos below).  But still, I keep clicking.  I was asked recently why I like taking photos and the answer is simple - there is beauty in the mundane and I want to capture it. 

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