Newborns Are Really Freaking Hard

Newborns Are Really Freaking Hard

I know it's been four years so I've probably blocked out a majority of the hard times with Henry, but I honestly don't remember it being this hard.  Harrison isn't a kid that likes to sleep, and until recently, he spent the majority of the day being cranky.  Now, thankfully, it's just the end of the night.  But still... HE DOESN'T SLEEP.  Did Henry sleep?  I swear he did.  

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Harrison : 01 Month

Harrison : 01 Month

Four weeks ago you leisurely entered our lives.  You were screaming, red, and perfect.  And now, a month later, not much has changed.  I won't lie, it's been quite the month of adjustment for all of us.  In general, you're a very calm, contented baby.  But in the last week or two you've run into some digestive issues that has you a bit fussier than normal and has Daddy and I more exhausted than normal.  Plus, no one likes to see their baby in pain, especially when you can't tell us what hurts and we can't tell you how we'll fix it.

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36 weeks

36 weeks

36 weeks down.  4 (or less) to go.  I had Henry at 37 weeks, so I wouldn't be mad to introduce this teeny one into our family next week.  I'm miserably uncomfortable at this point.  With Henry I was on bed rest starting at 34 weeks and I'm now seeing how much better that was physically for my body.  I get exhausted walking around at work.  Hell, I get exhausted getting off the couch.

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10 Weeks to Go

10 Weeks to Go

At 30 weeks pregnant, I can barely remember the nausea of the first twenty weeks.  Maybe this is what people mean when they say you forget all of the hardships of pregnancy and it makes you more willing to do it again.  (Note to Grandmas: We're done after this one, don't get your hopes up.)  When I was pregnant with Henry, I was sick right up until the very end so I never got enjoy this honeymoon period.  But this baby is taking it a lot easier on me.  

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5 Things At the Moment

5 Things At the Moment

Life has felt overwhelming lately.  In both the best ways, and some really tough ways.  I sit down to write and nothing comes out.  I don't know where to start with all of these thoughts swirling around in my head.  Some of them I'm not able to say out loud yet, others just sound repetitive.  So instead I walk away.  I take a break.  And somehow I find myself back here three weeks later feeling the same.  So instead, here's a run-down of things in my head...

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Baking a Life

Baking a Life

As he grows, I'm constantly questioning if we're doing the right things.  It's a typical parenting feeling, I'd assume, but I hope that we're teaching him well and loving him even better.  I want to pour into him the things that I've learned in my 34 years of life, but I want to give him the space to mix up his own thoughts and feelings and emotions.  He's a part of me, but separate from me.  He's his own individual and sometimes it takes me a second to remember that.  So I give him bits and pieces, I help to guide him, but I also step back and watch.

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A glimpse at life these days

A glimpse at life these days

It's early.  The sun is still hiding, but our house is awake and moving.  It's 6:57 am and we're ready to hit the road to head to work/daycare/work.  Henry is on my lap while I'm putting socks, pants, and then shoes on.  He's pushing against my growing belly and as I reach down to put the left sock on, I realize just how long his legs have gotten.  The drape down over my own.  They're long and skinny and sprouting the lightest blond hair.  He has to bend his knee for me to reach his foot.  Will I still be able to have him sit on my lap in a few months when my belly is an eight month belly?

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Capturing the Mundane

Capturing the Mundane

Seeing me with a camera in my hand is a pretty standard sight in our house.  I'm always capturing little moments of our days - some that seem pretty important (like when we announced Baby 2), others seem fairly boring (like many of the photos below).  But still, I keep clicking.  I was asked recently why I like taking photos and the answer is simple - there is beauty in the mundane and I want to capture it. 

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He Doesn't Like Me

He Doesn't Like Me

Realistically, I know that not everyone will like my son.  And I know that because I know that not everyone likes me, and that's just life.  But hearing the hurt in his three-year-old voice cut through me like a knife.  And it made me realize another part of this parenting journey that I'm not quite ready for - broken hearts, broken friendships, the feeling of sadness when it's bigger than "Daddy won't let me have a third pack of fruit snacks".

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The Secret

The Secret

I can feel you in there so faintly.  So unexpectedly.  That quick flutter, the subtle poke.  You're reminding me that you're there, as if I've ever forgotten.  As if you're not on my mind nearly 24 hours a day.  My tiny little nugget with two arms and two legs, with a strong heartbeat in the 150's and the fingerprints that identify you as your own tiny person.  At 16 weeks, you're as big as an avocado now and pretty soon these subtle jabs will feel like an assault from the outside in.

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Quiet Time

Quiet Time

It's 4:25 pm and we've just pulled into our driveway after a long day of work and daycare.  I slowly drag myself out of my car, take a few extra steps around to his side of the car, enjoying those few seconds before I'm officially a mom again.  I open the door and unbuckle him from his car seat and lift him out.  My arms feel extra heavy today.  There's no smile on my face as he excitedly runs towards the house ready to play with me.

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The Joy of Conquering

The Joy of Conquering

One of the most amazing things about being a parent is watching your child conquer something they previously couldn't.  And it happens constantly from the time they are born - conquering rolling over, conquering sitting up, conquering walking and so on.  But yet each time Henry conquers something new, I have the same reaction - an immense burst of pride.  This tiny person that I helped to create has accomplished something he has wanted to do.

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The Anxiety of Pregnancy

The Anxiety of Pregnancy

I'm not an anxious person.  I've not dealt with anxiety on a personal level in most aspects of my life.  But pregnancy seems to bring it out of me.  Since finding out we are expecting our second baby, my mind is constantly racing.  How will Henry take this?  Will it be hard to be a family of four when we're so used to the three of us?  Is the baby okay in there?  What if I'm eating the wrong things?  I was so nauseous earlier but now I'm not, is everything okay?  What will happen with my job?  What will happen with my magazine?  Will Brandon and I ever sleep again?

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