It's just after 3 am. I woke up around 1:30 and looked around, remembering where I was- at a women's hospital in Pittsburgh. I was brought here by ambulance this afternoon after our baby thought about making an early exit from my belly. I'm 34 weeks and 3 days, which is not insanely crazy early but would still be met with enough complications that it best to keep baby right where he/she is for at least a couple more weeks.
I'm listening to the sounds of my husband breathing on an uncomfortable pull out chair beside me and I think realizing just how close we are to our family extending to three. And today I realized just how precious this life I'm holding inside me is. When I was told at my normal hospital that I was dilated to 3, 60% effaced, and having contractions every couple minutes (that luckily I wasn't feeling) I saw the worry in my doctors eyes and my body suddenly went on high alert. Did I do something wrong to trigger preterm labor? Would my baby make it if it did have to come today? What would labor feel like? There was no way around it- I was scared.
B was at a work meeting about 30 minutes away and of course dropped everything to get to our normal hospital as quickly as he could before I was transported. As soon as I saw him a rush of relief filled my body because I knew as long as he was next to me, no matter what we'd face in the next 24 hours, we'd face together. I allowed myself to cry and be consoled by him for a few minutes and then it was time to go. Riding an hour in the ambulance without him (him following us), was surreal and scary. I just wanted him there to keep reminding me that our baby was perfect and would be just fine.
He never showed fear during the whole day. He just kept rubbing my hand, playing with my hair and giving me knowing smiles while I was poked and prodded and trying to keep up with what the various doctors told me. I asked him later if he had been scared and he said of course, mostly when he wasn't with me.
For now baby is staying put and I'm hoping to be allowed to go home, albeit on bed rest. But as I lay awake now hearing his gentle snores and feeling our baby move I can't imagine a more perfect life. No matter where this journey takes us over the next 24 hours or 6 weeks. Because the three of us, we have each other and is there anything better than that?