Our Old Life

Last night B asked "Do you miss our old life?".  And I knew exactly what he meant.  Up until Henry entered our life, we were completely on our own, living selfishly, spending money however we wanted, packing up and going on a whim, having no real sense of stability.  And now there's this person.  This little tiny, fourteen pound person who consumes every ounce of every day.  Who we spend all our time thinking and talking about.  Who dictates all our future decisions.  It's difficult, and it's stressful.  It's wonderful, and it's amazing.  Were things easier once upon a time?  Of course they were.  Did we get more sleep?  Sure.  Did we talk about things other than poop and formula and if we're raising Henry right?  Definitely.  And sometimes now we sit and worry if we're doing things right.  If we are raising a good kid.  If he'll be happy.  Will he grow up knowing that he was made out of the love that his father and I have for each other?  Do we show him enough love?  Do we hug him enough?  Does he know how much joy he's brought to our life and our relationship?  And then he smiles, or he giggles and my heart bursts, and I watch B's face light up as he stares into his sons eyes and all those questions melt away and I realize he's HAPPY.  He is a happy baby.  He's sweet and he's funny and he's smart.

So as my husband, my best friend, sat there rocking our beautiful, sleepy four month old son, and he asked me if I missed our old life, there was absolutely no hesitation when I said "No.  Absolutely not."  And neither does he.  Not even a little.  This life is all we need.  The three of us.  We're a team.  A family.  And we were meant to be this way.