My pre-mom self frequently laughs at my new-mom self- in her spit-up covered clothes, with no makeup on and dark circles under her eyes. And my new-mom self frequently laughs right back at how naive my pre-mom self was. Poor, sweet, innocent pre-mom. She had no idea what she was in for, how drastically her life would change, how overwhelming her love could be. My new-mom self looks back on what I imagined I would be as a new mom and chuckles. Because all those things I said I'd never do? Yeah, it's humorous now.
01+ I'd never have a hard time going back to work
Pre-mom: "I love working and even the sight of my little baby couldn't keep me from wanting to go back. As soon as those 10 weeks of maternity leave end, I'll be running as fast as I can, in heels (naturally) back to my desk."Oh, pre-mom, you're so cute. Nowadays I drag my feet getting to work because I want those extra few minutes of time spent kissing Henry and playing. And when I am at work, I count down the minutes until I get to go and play with him some more. A majority of the time I spend thinking about life as a stay at home mom, what I would do, if I'd be happy.
02+ I'd never let my baby determine his sleep schedule
Pre-mom: "Our baby is going to get on a sleep schedule early. And we're DEFINITELY going to let him cry it out." You thought so, huh pre-mom? That's funny. Your life now revolves around trying to keep Henry on his schedule, turning down activities so he can sleep, getting back at a "reasonable" hour so that you can do his bedtime routine, etc. And that cry it out thing? Yeah, you took one look at his little face curled up on you and were happier than ever to just let him rest with you, even if that meant you got no sleep.
03+ I'd never let baby stuff overrun my house
Pre-mom: "Just because we have a baby doesn't mean we need to have toys all over the floor. We can keep them in his room or the play area." Play area, pre-mom? That's the entire house. Anywhere there is an empty space, that's the perfect place for a toy. ESPECIALLY if it's somewhere that you walk frequently. Now not only are the toys everywhere, but you rarely have time to clean them up before he pulls them back out.
04+ I'd never change my style to be more kid friendly
Pre-mom: "Just because I have a kid doesn't mean I have to stop wearing my stilettos or start wearing sweatpants every day." Pre-mom, you're right. You DON'T have to wear sweatpants everyday just because you're a mom. But, wouldn't it be easier? You wish you could wear them everyday now. Oh, and those 5 inch heels you were so fond of? How many times have you worn them since he was born? I'd bet not many, because flats are SO much easier to chase him around in, not to mention a bit safer. You just stick with your wedges though, pretend you haven't changed that much.
05+ I'd never let having a kid change my marriage
Pre-mom: "A baby won't change our marriage at all, we'll still be us. I don't want to just be 'parents'." It's cute that you still want to try, pre-mom. Because you are still really crazy about your husband. But after you work all day, take care of him all night, do you have anything left to give him? The answer is no. But this is the one thing I'd urge you to keep trying to fix, because you need your husband. And he needs you.
06+ I'd never be one of those obsessive moms
Pre-mom: "Why do moms have to post so much about their babies? Does anyone care that he waved today for the first time?" This one really came back to bite ya in the ass, huh, pre-mom? You're obsessed with your son- just look at your Instagram feed! And not to mention that any new tricks he learns, you want to shout them to the world. Does anyone really care? Probably a small handful of immediate family. But you just can't stop, can you? #cantstopwontstop