Stream of Consciousness

photo-1426260193283-c4daed7c2024 Sometimes I have lots of thoughts on my mind but they don't work as full blog post.  You can think of this post as a brain dump.

I think I've recently acknowledged my true passion- writing and designing.  I've always loved to write and I've always had a creative mind.  But until I had this blog, I didn't really see how the two could go hand-in-hand.  I find that at work, I'm happiest when those are the things I get to do.  I love seeing something come to life with graphics, or telling a story with words.  Knowing that one of my dreams has always been to run a magazine, I can now see where those two passions come into play.  I dream of sitting in a light filled office, writing stories for all to read and designing pages that make the eyes happy.  And it's with that realization that I'm hoping to move my freelance work of designing forward.  I'm now accepting design clients.  You can read more on the Hire Me page.

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When you first begin taking your child to daycare, you expect it to be hard, gut-wrenching even.  You're dropping your child off to spend 8+ hours with strangers.  Everyone tells you that it gets easier.  But, does it?  Henry has been in daycare now since May of last year.  And every single day when I drop him off, I'm still sad.  I don't always cry in my car, but there are days when I have to fight back the tears.  Do all women feel this way?  I enjoy going to work and getting to spend time talking to adults during the day.  And I like the women at daycare and think they take excellent care of Henry.  But even so, it still hurts my heart every single day.  I hate the feeling of leaving him there.

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On the subject of babies, I am really loving watching Henry learn.  I love sitting in front of him as he's playing with something, turning it over and over in his tiny hands with a frown on his face, trying to make sense of it.  And I love watching him play.  He wordlessly communicates with his toys, placing them just so, and then picking them back up just as quickly as if he hasn't decided what their role should be in his world of make believe.  I feel like I can see his mind working, I can see what he wants to do and how he's trying to get his body to respond the way he wants.  With his new found walking skill, he's all over the house, pointing and babbling.  And with each step I'm in awe of this tiny little human that will one day be bigger than me (hopefully), and will have his own goals and dreams, who will love and be loved, and who will someday move away from me.

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When you're a blogger, you can read article upon article upon article telling you to "Do this!  It'll increase your readership 1000%!"  There are "studies" that show you should talk about these things and you should post them at this time, and you should spend X amount of hours promoting.  It's all overwhelming to be honest.  And just when I think I've gotten it all figured out, you guys respond so positively to a post that I hadn't expected (most recently, this one), and it throws me for a loop.  So then I sit and think of the "science" behind it- did I post it at exactly the right time?  Did I use the right number of words, or a good amount of pictures.  But I think writing in general comes down to one thing- people respond well to something that resonates with them.  That's all there is to it.  If people can relate, they will enjoy something more.  That is certainly the case for me, and it appears to be the case for you, as well.

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I finally managed to step out of my comfort zone last night.  I have been wanting to try Zumba for a long time but haven't because I didn't know what to expect and I didn't have anyone to go with me.  I'm one of those people who doesn't like to go places if I don't know someone.  Mostly because I know I'll be too awkward to talk to anyone.  But in the interest of getting healthy, trying something new, and the amazing support from my Fitness Group ladies, I bit the bullet and went.  And you know what?  I had a great time.  I didn't make any new friends (because I was too awkward to have conversations with the people trying to talk to me), but I did get a great workout and I plan on going every Monday now- maybe someday I'll even talk to one of the women.

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Henry had tubes put in both his ears last Thursday after months upon months of ear infections.  I'm sadly not exaggerating when I say that he hasn't slept through the night since October because of either an ear infection or a cold brought on by the ear infection.  Watching someone carry my son off to surgery, knowing they were putting his tiny body to sleep with anesthesia (even if just briefly), was so hard.  Had B not been with me, I most certainly would've been in tears.  The entire time we were at the hospital, Henry was charming the pants off all of the nurses and doctors.  Even the anesthesiologist, as she took him from me to head to surgery, he looked at her, and then put his head down on her shoulder.  After his surgery when we finally got to him in recovery, he was being held by a nurse all bundled up.  When he saw me he immediately reached for me and then proceeded to scream and cry in my face for a good fifteen minutes- I swear, it's as if he was telling me how horrible it was and how scared he was.  On Friday and Saturday night he slept through the whole night (hallelujah!) and is back to playing independently and just all around seeming like a happier boy.  We're hoping that the sleeping thing will come back full time soon.  And I'm so glad that his first (and hopefully only) surgery was a quick one.

 

Photo by: Karl Chor