I'm editing and designing each page meticulously. I move the photo to the left, then the right, then to the center. I sit back in my chair and squint. I can't figure out where it works. And that title, is it too big? Does it entice people to read the article? Is there too much text and not enough white space? Should there be a sidebar with other information? How do I separate each section? Does this all suck? Do I suck?
These thoughts are with me every single time I work on another page of my magazine. What makes me think I can start a magazine? I have absolutely no knowledge of what it takes to run a magazine. I have no idea what it takes to design a publication that people want to read. How do I know that what I find interesting, other people will as well? I have no idea how I've even gotten this far running a blog, so what makes me think I can be the editor of a magazine?
I consider myself a fairly confident person in my skills. I know what I'm talented at and what I'm not (writing, and math respectively). But this magazine is causing me to doubt every single skill I have. Is my writing enough? Are my layouts and designs eye pleasing? Is anyone besides my mom going to read this? Will it be a success, or a total failure? Will I want to give up after one issue? Or will it somehow lead to my dream of running my own magazine as my own boss?
The only consolation I feel is that because I'm totally scared shitless, I must be doing something right. I'm going after my dreams in a big way. I'm putting together a magazine on my own with no previous knowledge, no partner (just SUPER awesome contributors), and no technical design skills. And I suppose that if what you're doing doesn't scare you, then what is the point in doing it?
So here's to chasing dreams, being terrified, and questioning what you're doing every step of the way. It's a long, scary road, but I can see the glorious light at the end of the tunnel.