I Might Have Control Issues


Don't worry people that I know in real life, I can hear you laughing.

A few days ago I was laughing with a co-worker and fellow control freak.  We both agreed that we'd rather just do things ourselves, that we don't usually trust others to do things up to our standards, that we have a hard time handing over responsibilities.  It was all said with laughter but at the same time, I knew how true it was for me.  I've always been this way, even if I didn't acknowledge it and it seems to have gotten worse as I've gotten older.

I was always the girl in school that hated group projects because I'd have to rely on other people.  Instead, I preferred to just do the work myself, stick the others' names on it, and move on.  Don't worry, we all got good grades.  It continued into my professional career.

The first time I was thrown off of this path was when I started my new job.  I was entering a field that I knew absolutely nothing about so I had no choice but to rely on others for help.  Slowly I began asking for help when I needed it, or spoke up when I needed clarification.  But even still, when it came to my specific projects, I still have a hard time relying on others to provide me with answers.

When I decided to start Holl & Lane, I knew that it was crazy.  I am already working full time, doing freelance graphic design on the side, writing this blog, and not to mention the husband and child I have at home.  But I knew there was never going to be a "right time" to start it.  Instead, I told myself that if I was going to do this, I was going to need help from other people.  Luckily they were overjoyed to not only help me, but that I was asking for the help so that I didn't totally overwhelm myself.  Some of my close friends have gone above and beyond already to help me.  And somehow I've found myself letting them do it.

Do I have those moments where I think that it would be easier to write every single article on every single page and design every little detail myself?  Of course.  But hey, I can't turn it off in one day, right?  So I'll let people help me with the magazine.  I'll let others care for Henry so that I can get some sleep.  And then I'll just sit over here in a corner rocking and shaking, wondering what exactly I've gotten myself in to.