Human Being, Not Human Doing

I just read this article and something in my heart stirred because just last night I admitted, out loud, for the first time that maybe, just maybe, I'm in over my head a bit.  That maybe I have too much on my plate.  That I'm exhausted and I don't know how to slow it all down.

This article, about the disease of being busy, spoke so profoundly to me that it almost took my breath away.  I am that person who always has the response of "I'm so busy".  Because I am.  There's my full-time job, my blog, my magazine, running three social groups, and trying to add in time with my son and husband.  I put the photo below on Instagram last night before I even admitted out loud what I had known in my gut for a while now.

After I wrote that, I sat and thought about it and realized that I am making myself crazy, and why?  Why am I doing all of this?  To fulfill dreams, yes, but do I need to constantly go at breakneck speed?  I don't.  I AM A HUMAN BEING, NOT A HUMAN DOING.

So then I started small and I let two good friends know that I had too much on my plate (which of course they already knew) and I asked if they would take over a couple of the social groups for me.  And because running the magazine is such a lifelong dream for me, I don't want to burn myself out.  So asking my team to do more will help me keep from getting burned out and will allow me to continue on with this and see where it goes.

And then I thought about this blog.  I thought a lot about it, actually.  I love this blog.  I love this space and being here with you and telling you stories and having a place to watch my family grow up.  This blog is something I want in my life.  But is it necessary to have it so often?  Do I actually need to post something 5 days a week?  Do I need to have something ready every single day at 6 am without fail so that you know what to expect?  The "Grow Your Blog" people say yes.  My heart says no.  And I have an inkling that you will tell me to do what feels right to me, because you've always been so supportive.  And if I slow down on posting and I'm only around a couple days a week, I'm confident that you'll be supportive of that, too.  Because who wants to watch someone burn themselves out publicly (okay, fine, there might be a few people who would enjoy that).

This was a lot of rambling.  But all of it is to say that it's okay to admit when you've gotten in over your head.  It's okay to say it out loud and to ask for help.  Last week while I was on vacation, I basically completely shut down.  I had one day where I worked for about an hour, but after that, I just got to enjoy life.  And it was nice, really nice.  It was the first time that I really took the time to listen to the rumbling in my soul.  To that voice that told me that I needed to slow down and just enjoy life.  So I'm trying to listen now.  I am a human being.  Not a human doing.