I mentioned in this post that there's a slight chance I might have control issues. Very slight. (Shut up, people that I know in real life.) The truth is, I have a really hard time not only with control issues, but with trust. I don't trust easily or freely, and I don't let others in all that often. I don't share the depths of my feelings or the heights of my dreams. And the truth is, I'm often embarrassed by these things. I'm embarrassed to share what really makes me tick for fear of being made fun of. You might be asking if I've ever had that happen to me when I have opened up, and the truth is, I haven't. So what am I so afraid of?
Over the weekend B and I were talking about my complete inability to promote myself or all the things I'm able to do, and do well. That he's willing to bet most of the people that meet me in person have no idea that I have an MBA or that I run a successful blog or that I've launched a magazine that is doing really well. (And all the while he was saying this, my face was flushed and I wouldn't make eye contact. And this is with my husband. MY HUSBAND.) He mentioned that he sees me do it all the time- that I just stay humble about my accomplishments for fear of looking like a braggart. And that is part of it. But honestly, I'm more scared of what people will think. And why? I have no idea. Even when family brings up something like the blog or the magazine, I quickly answer questions and then change the subject. Or awkwardly shrug and walk away.
What is it about us that we're able to be so excited and brag about others, but when it comes to ourselves, we clam up? I know I'm not the only one who does this because I've watched friend after friend do it. Is it the fear of coming off as overly confident (is that a bad thing?)? Or are we afraid of what people will think?
When I launched Holl & Lane, I quickly realized I was going to have to let people in and allow them to take some control away from me. And (completely) unsurprisingly, it's made my life not only easier, but it's made this whole venture more successful. These people are able to take the magazine and promote the crap out of it, they're able to brag for me. And when I share with them my visions for the future, do they laugh or make fun of me? No. They cheer me on, tell me they know it'll happen, and ask how they can help me get there.
So little by little, because of this amazing team of people, I've begun to let others into these little secret dreams of mine. And not once have I been made fun of.
As a side note, the Holl & Lane website is up and running with lots of great information not only on the magazine but also on the team. You can subscribe to the magazine, find easy ways to contribute and advertise, and chat with us on social media. As one final announcement, Holl & Lane has joined Instagram! Follow us at @hollandlanemag. We'll be posting fun challenges for your chance to appear in the magazine.