I'm one of those people who always wants more. I'm not proud of it, but it's one of my big character flaws. I don't settle, and I always see something bigger, more profound, more involved. To me, there is always the next big thing. And this constant reaching is exhausting. It's gotten me things in my life that I'm damn proud of because I never stop working, but at the same time, it's gotten me in some trouble.
Recently I started reading The Happiness Project (I know, I'm about four years late). I first bought the book on my way home from Italy from our honeymoon. I read a few pages and then realized, in my newlywed, post-honeymoon bliss, that I was already over the moon happy. So I put it down and forgot about it. A couple of weeks ago the book entered my mind again and I started reading it. Devouring, actually. It has caused me to stop and think often about my own happiness, and ask myself if I am truly happy.
The answer is yes, yes I am happy. I have a very happy life. I have a great marriage to a man that I still actually like. My son is crazy amounts of fun and brings more joy to my life than I ever expected. And I'm mostly satisfied in my professional life. But still, there is that feeling of more. I know that there are certain things in my life that could be altered to increase the satisfaction that I feel day in and day out. And that's where this book has opened my eyes.
Once I'm finished, I'm going to write down my immediate goals and begin to work. I don't need to wait until the New Year hits because I'm not very good at resolutions anyway. But I do want to have a start and end date in mind. I've chosen the main points that I want to focus on:
My Marriage. Yes, I'm happy, but since becoming parents, things are certainly different. We've gone on one date each month for this year (thanks to my Christmas present to B last year) and that has been valuable. But it's the day to day things that I want to work on. I want to express my gratitude for him more frequently. I want to laugh together like we used to. I want to be present with him. And I want to hug and kiss him every single day.
My Parenting. I think I'm doing an okay job as a mom. Henry is happy and healthy and really, what more could you ask for? But I know I can do better. I can be more present and I can really work on teaching him. Too often I find myself multitasking when I should be spending time with him. Everything can wait. I heard recently that you only get 18 summers with your kids. And that felt like a punch in the gut. So why do I want to waste these precious years answering emails when I could be on the floor playing with Hot Wheels? Pretty soon he won't WANT to play with me, so I may as well enjoy it while I can.
My Friendships. I'm lucky in that I have a great handful of friendships that have survived for years. These girls are the reason I'm sane today. I love having them to be able to reach out to when I need something. But too often, that is the only time that we talk. I want to be more in touch with my friends. I want to know about the little things that are going on as I once did. I want to send cards for no reason and remind them how much they mean to me. I want to see them more than once a year. I want to take a girl's trip and remember what it's like to be a friend. Life, children, and distance may have gotten in the way, but it's time to stop letting that be an excuse.
My Career. I'm happy in my full time job, but it's the side projects I want to focus on. Holl & Lane is without a doubt the biggest passion project I've undertaken. I'm pleased with where it's at now but I know it can be better and I can do better for it. I want to understand more the process of running and growing a business so reading and researching as much as I can can only help me to get where I want to be.
Myself. Aside from the aforementioned character flaw, I'm fairly comfortable with the person that I am. But I need to invest in myself more. I need to take care of my health and fitness. I need to take the time to just be ME. I need to seek out what I truly enjoy and focus on that rather than the little things that are basically distractions. I need to declutter both my mind and my material things. I need to organize and feel put together. I think this will be the hardest step. When I give so much of myself to other people and other projects, there is little left for me (#momlife). But I know that in order to better take care of the other things, it all starts with taking care of me.
So over the next week I'm going to be crafting actual goals for myself. I'm going to write them down and figure out a game plan to get things back on track. And I hope to share that all right here. And maybe some of you will even want to join me?