Each year for the holidays, my company shuts down so I have between Christmas and the New Year off (and sometimes before). This year I was off work beginning the 23rd of December and my first day back is tomorrow. During that time we also keep Henry out of daycare and I get to spend my days just being a mom. I look forward to this week all year. Not only is it a nice break from the day to day work/life balance, but I especially look forward to spending my days with Henry. Last year we did a lot of snuggling as he was still pretty young at the time and wasn't into playing just yet. This year he's a completely different child. He's almost two now (TWO, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!) and let's just say that he's my gym membership.
As I'm sitting here writing this, the anxiety has begun creeping back in. The sadness that I feel each time that I know the next morning I'll be dropping him off at daycare while I head to work. I've been told that it gets easier to do this but nearly two years in and it still hasn't so I've pretty much lost hope on that front.
B was sick all this week with strep throat and so I was pulling most of the parenting duty while he rested. Which meant I was in charge during the day and then at night which isn't usually the case as I usually have my partner in crime to back me up. By the end of the week I was incredibly exhausted by going this way and B asked me if there was a small part of me that was happy he'd be going back to daycare on Monday. Without hesitation I told him no. If this week proved anything to me it's how much I truly enjoy being home with my little man. Are there days where I want to lock him in his bedroom to keep him in one place and maybe enjoy a little bit of quiet? Yes, of course. But getting to be the one to play with him and teach him is the most rewarding thing I get to do in my life.
I know tomorrow at daycare drop off there will be tears and clinging- and that's just from me. But I'll do what I always do and put on a brave face and pretend that I'm not crying on the inside.