You're going to be a big brother any day now and it's taken me a long time to realize just how much its affecting me that you'll no longer be the only baby in my life. I have spent the last nine months preparing you for welcoming a new little person into our lives, but I haven't spent much time preparing myself.
These past (almost) four years have been some of the hardest and most amazing that I have ever experienced. When you came screaming into my world three weeks early, I was absolutely terrified of you. I wasn't sure if I would be cut out to be a mother, or if I would truly have that mother's intuition I had heard about. But on that second day of your life, when it was just you and I in the room together, we spent a lot of time looking at each other. And during that time, this amazing sense of calm and love swept throughout my whole body and from that moment on, you have been my little boy, my most cherished love, the one who made my life feel whole.
I had always heard that mothers and sons have a special relationship and in our case, I can say that is true without a doubt. It doesn't matter how often you make me want to tear my hair out. At the end of the day, you make me happy in a way that I never knew was possible. With one hug from you, or an explosion of giggles, all feels right in the world.
And now, things are going to change, and I'm terrified all over again for different reasons. This time, I'm certain I can do it, I'm certain I will love this baby, I'm certain that my mother's intuition will be in tact. But I'm terrified of how it will affect you and ultimately our relationship.
I need you to know a few things:
I will always carve out time for dates with you. It is incredibly important to me that you still feel loved, valued and treasured. Both your Daddy and I will always make sure that we have time for just you, baby boy. Whereas now all our time is spent with just you, we'll have to make special time in the future. But that will just make it even more exciting to look forward to.
You will always, always be the tiny love of my life. I will, without a doubt, feel the same way about your baby brother or sister. But you will always have this special notch in my heart for making me a mother, for being the first person I fell in love with nearly instantly, for being my comfort in the times of hardships.
You will never be replaced. Having a second baby does not mean that you will be replaced by him/her. No one can replace you or my love for you.
So, Henry, I know things are going to change so, so soon. I know that things might be hard for a little while. And I know that you might feel a little uneasy about it all. But I want you also to know that you will forever hold the most special place in my heart. That part that I didn't even know I needed filled. You, my sweet first born, are the love of my life and I cannot wait to see you in your new role as big brother.
I love you,