36 weeks

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36 weeks down.  4 (or less) to go.  I had Henry at 37 weeks, so I wouldn't be mad to introduce this teeny one into our family next week.  I'm miserably uncomfortable at this point.  With Henry I was on bed rest starting at 34 weeks and I'm now seeing how much better that was physically for my body.  I get exhausted walking around at work.  Hell, I get exhausted getting off the couch.

Over the weekend, Brandon and I went to the grocery store.  We were only there about 30 minutes but when we got home, I had to lay in the fetal position to recover.  I was aching, I was exhausted, and I told him that was my last trip to the grocery store until baby comes.

So, I'm ready.

But I'm also terrified.  I'm terrified of so many things.  I'm terrified of labor.  My labor with Henry was so easy (mostly because the epidural was magical).  My water broke with no contractions and by the time I really started feeling them, they were inserting the epidural.  It can't possibly be that easy again, right?

I'm terrified of what this new dynamic will mean for my family.  For just shy of 4 years, it's been the three of us.  I don't know how to be four.  I don't know what that looks like for Henry when he suddenly doesn't get all of our attention.  I don't know how to love another person the way I love him.  

And I'm terrified of lots of other smaller things.  Will I remember how to make a bottle?  Will my instincts kick in again and will I be strong enough to listen to them this time?  Will I have time to sleep and bathe and rest?  Will my husband and I ever be more than parents again?

I don't know the answers to any of this.  But I do know that I'm so ready for this baby.  I'm so ready for that newborn smell and to see Brandon fall in love all over again.  I'm so ready for Henry to become a big brother and see how he loves his baby brother or sister.  And also?  I'm totally ready to find out if this little wiggly one is a boy or a girl!

So whether it's next week, or four weeks from now (please god, no), we're ready for you, teeny one.  We can't wait to show you the world.

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